What are the 3 Most Boring Words in Fundraising Appeals?
What fun! Today I’m ranting a bit about what goes wrong with so many fundraising appeals.
I’m sharing my thoughts on the most overused, most boring and least useful words ever to be used in fundraising appeals.
And I want to know yours!
What do you think are the boring, pat, overused words and phrases that need to be dumped right now?
Nonprofit pablum?
We have this thing in the nonprofit world -where we want to be dignified about our work. But the writing turns so terribly boring. So institutional. So abstract.
I continue to see hackneyed phrases that have been used and re-used way too many times.I call it “nonprofit pablum” because it has no seasoning, no punch.
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Please ditch the “lofty” tone and treat me (your donor) like your best friend.
You don’t have to talk down to me. And you don’t have to treat me with kid gloves.
Remember that you’re not writing a formal letter to someone you don’t know.
Instead, you’re writing to a friend. To a True Believer in your cause.
If I’m a donor, then I’m passionate. I have a back story to share about why I care about you.
So, just use plain talk. Please.
NOW. . . drumroll, please:
The award for the most boring word EVER to be used in fundraising goes to:
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“Underserved.”
Goodness. Do tell me where the emotion is in this word.
Tell me what it really refers to. Does it have any impact at all?
Many humanitarian and social service agencies use “underserved” as part of their daily nonprofit vocabulary.
It’s a noble effort to add dignity to the people they serve, and that’s fine. But it’s also “social service-speak.”
It’s such a normal part of conversation in agencies that it invariably creeps into their fundraising appeals and materials.
Instead of “underserved” how about giving me a real word: like “desperate,” or “destitute,” or “needy,” or emotional words like “hungry, lonely, scared, worried, anxious, frightened, starving.”
Give me a word for fundraising appeals that grabs me.
A word that evokes an emotional response. A word that will open my wallet.
Never use professional jargon and cliches in fundraising appeals. Those belong inside your agency – not outside.
Using “underserved” to describe your work doesn’t help me understand what you do one bit.
The next least favorite, most overused BORING words. . . Drumroll please:
“Programs and Services.”
Gosh, what would we say if we couldn’t use the word “programs?”
- “Please support our xxx program.”
Or:
- “Please support our xxx services.”
Here’s the problem with “programs and services.” These words are watered down. They are overused. And they mean NOTHING.
If your appeal doesn’t have enough emotion, then it’s useless. Remember – donors give because they are “moved.” Emotion is what brings in the gifts.
These words are not specific enough to have any impact.
They are a lazy person’s shortcut language. A lazy person who doesn’t want to go to the effort to REALLY describe what you are doing.
Here’s an example: say your organization operates a project to teach illiterate prison inmates how to read.
The lazy fundraiser would say: “support our prison literacy program.”
The smart fundraiser would say: “you can help illiterate prisoners learn to read.”
Now which phrase has more bang? Which is more compelling? Which word can break my heart? Which would open my wallet?
And, note the donor-centered approach from the smart fundraiser (“you”) vs. the organization-centered approach (“our”) from the lazy fundraiser.
Other wonky words with no impact to donors:
I’m getting really tired of “sustainable.”
How about let’s ditch these too:
- Disrupt (a favorite on the west coast these days)
- Impact, output, results
- Scalable (really?? so very technical)
- Solutions
- Innovative
- Add your word!
These deaden the emotion. So they are no use to you in fundraising appeals!
We can’t raise any money with these words.
I dare you to see if you can write your fall appeal letter and NOT use any of these words.
If you can do it, let me know! And check out this fun list of jargon terms to ditch from the Chronicle of Philanthropy, too.
Other words to ditch from my readers:
Disadvantaged – overused in the UK!
Food Insecurity – it’s cringeworthy said Ann Green. Better to talk about having to choose between buying groceries and paying the heating bill.
Vicki wrote that she finds these words irritating in her country (Uganda): ‘strengthening’,’institutionalizing’ and ‘decentralization’. She said she can’t understand what they mean!
“Now more than ever!”
Winston said these were the worst: Leverage, engage, financial resources, capacity, sustainability, empower.
Chandra said her least favs were: “Impactful” and “Make a difference!”
BOTTOM LINE:
Use real words with emotional power, and you’ll raise lots more money.
What other words do we need to avoid in fundraising? Let’s have some fun and create a list of them!
Share your suggestions for Top Words to Avoid in the comments box below.
Great stuff Gail! I completely agree that vague language bores donors to tears. The more we can engage our readers, the more likely they’ll give.
Sandy Rees
Thanks Sandy! Yup, there’s way too much boring stuff out there and then we wonder why donors don’t respond!
I would love to see a comparison list for more effective options. Example: Instead of using underserve use…
I would love to see a comparison list for more effective options. Example: Instead of using underserve use…
I would love to see a comparison list for more effective options. Example: Instead of using underserve use…
I just updated our website language to reflect this way of speaking!
Happy birthday, Gail.
If this is what “venting” sounds like, bring it on. No need to wait another year.
First, Happy Birthday Gail! Today, you get special license to get up on a soapbox and tell it like it is. Yes, you are right on track as usual. Loved your “lazy” vs. “smart” fundraiser example. Illustrates the point beautifully.
First, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Gail!
second, YES, YOU are DEAD on with this blog!
love, k
Great Tips & Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday Gail. Perfectly said! I look forward to your critique of my Annual Giving Campaign appeal letter. You gave me some ideas a few months ago that I tried to implement. I’m sure there will be more tweaking:) Thanks for all your great advice.
Like, like, LIKE! Unless I do a mass mailing at one time, which is rare, none of my written correspondence is exactly the same. Keeps things fresh and makes ME more interested in what I’m writing and trying to convey on paper. My #1 favorite: “You don’t have to talk down to me.” Thank you! Get real with your donors because what you’re trying to save/help/cure, etc. is REAL.
Ministry
Facilitate
Outreach
Benefit
Efforts
Accomplishments
Outcomes
Impoverished
Dignity
One could get into the reasons why non-profits/govt use the term “underserved” but you’re right (as you so often are) that it doesn’t evoke any emotion. The challenge is finding the way to describe the population you serve without making them sound pathetic and helpless. Sure if you’re talking about puppies and kittens, it’s easy, but when you are talking about otherwise capable adults who are battling breast cancer it’s more difficult take away their strength, make them sound weak and helpless in order to make a case for support.
First … Happy birthday Gail! And secondly … YES, YES, YES! Great article … keep ’em coming!
Great! It’s just the beginning of the list, but it gets us thinking, right? My two anti-faves are “impactful” and “Make a difference!”
I like your take on how wornout words can be given a makeover. Having lived through the mutations, I think maybe an early term for those we served in SS was “culturally deprived”. No culture. Fairly uppedity seems to me. Then we used under privileged. Maybe we wanted to admit some of us are privileged …even over privileged, we could admit. Anyway, I like you raised the point. I think the real concern you brought up for me is how do we communicate the need and still indicate the human dignity of those needing the services.
I still, after three years on my DV board, find my husband asks “what exactly does your agency do?”
Same question of a new board member this week. I know – we need an orientation for all new folks; probably seasoned ones also. I’ still trying to figure how to get some planning into fund raising – not that everything is not tied to everything ( ; -)
Great post, Gail! Add “maximize” and “capacity building” among many others to your list! Thx for this post.
Me again. Trying to master this tiny keyboard ( ; – )
I will appreciate you reviewing a draft letter when the time comes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
May I join the throng saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY? Great thoughts, as usual. My organization serves folks with financial emergencies–mostly low-income. We use those words a lot. We’ll try to become a lot more creative, thanks to you!!
Happy Birthday Gail! Thanks for this great critique of something so many fundraisers still do. I call it the “blah, blah, blahs”.
Right on! More:
leverage
engage
financial resources
capacity
sustainability
empower
doing anything one anything at a time — changing the world one family at a time…saving the planet one tree at a time…..saving the future one child at a time…..rebuilding communities one house at time…..blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Happy Birthday!! I’ve been guilty of using all of those words — but that was before my training with you! My addition to the avoidance list is the phrase “now more than ever.”
how true!
Awesome blog!
Great list Winston! thanks!
Thanks Sara, you are smart to keep things fresh when you are writing to your donors!
Thanks Sara, you are smart to keep things fresh when you are writing to your donors!
Jenny – it would be fun to do a “before” and “after” on a boring letter. If anyone wants to submit a letter for a makeover, send it to me!
Jenny – it would be fun to do a “before” and “after” on a boring letter. If anyone wants to submit a letter for a makeover, send it to me!
thanks Chris!
thanks Chris!
Thanks for the addition of “now more than ever.” You’re right – it’s so stale!
Yup, amazing how easy it is to get lazy!
Thanks so much and good luck on your “word overhaul!”
Thank you Dana! Be on the lookout for the sign up offer next week if you want me to review your letter.
Oh yes, two more deadly words!
Wow, if your agency can’t explain what it does easily – I think there is some serious messaging work to be done!
Awright! Two terrific additions to the list of “no-no’s!”
thank you!!
Vicky you are so right. But we can say these are brave, capable adults who have found themselves in a frightening situation where they do actually need some help. That makes my own heart open for sure, because I can picture myself right there.
Oh wow, great additions to the list!
Thanks Sharon!
Thanks Kimberly and Christina!
Thanks Andy, I just might get on a roll! : )
Thx Genevieve – glad you liked the lazy vs smart example. It really is helpful to actually show how to do it differently.
Happy Birthday!
So, ends up that i am very guilty of overusing “programs”; I will fix that for this year’s campaign.
Please add to this boring/impersonal list: “I am writing to tell you blah blah blah.”
The use of personal pronouns in this instance is so boring and redundant. You’ve got the letter in hand, obviously written by someone and now they’re telling you something you already know! — “The purpose of this letter” is equally bad.
Hope your birthday was lots of fun, Gail. Many thanks for your many helps!
Liz Wheeler
Can you consolidate all these in a consolidated listing… I think all these contributions were very appropriate. I am a new volunteer to the “fund raising” and would find that very useful.
I always read your comments…thanks, good stuff!
Hi Gail,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY and many you have many, many more!!! I am currently in the Charlotte airport waiting to catch a plan. Would love to join you for a “Porch Party” but must fly to Lakeland. Hope your day is MARVELOUS DARLIN’
Gay Ratcliff
You’re welcome!
Hi Gay! Hope the weather’s ok in Charlotte and that you manage to take off. My porch party was terrific – rounded up about 40 folks on the spur of the moment for an impromptu party. After all it was my bday!
Hi, thanks for the suggestion and I am definitely planning to consolidate these into another blog post. It will be really interesting!
Hi Liz, thanks and yup, that is a lame way to begin a letter.
Jeff, let me know what you come up with.
Thanks, Gail. Always instructive! And something I learned in my first development job forever ago and still holds true today: the best way to turn off the donor is to (over) use “I” in the acknowledgment. “I” reflects the signer, “You” reflects the donor! It’s about them!
Did anyone say “On behalf of..” yet? Ugh!
An excellent response. The reason why I worship the blog on which you blog-ify!
I hate, hate, HATE “On behalf of.” I’ve prohibited its use in our organization. Ughhh…
Annnnd THAT’s why you’re the expert! Excellent response. Could’ve never come up with that myself!
Thanks Chelsea, you are sweet!
I think half of the words my clients use are either jargon or boring.
oh my, that made me laugh in sympathy!
Love your succinct examples! I’m so tired of the “mission statement” language that permeates nonprofit communication. It’s all too easy to forget that nonprofits are, at their core, about humans.
Thanks – we all need to ditch this awful jargon, don’t we?
I get so tired of using the word support – what are some more interesting alternatives?
i was really captured by Gail’s insightful reflection on the frankly overused word “underserved”. I could not agree more….and in fact, it gets to a point in our society the so called “underserved” are given more funds than others based on such nonprofit pablum. Hence in turn making those of us considered so “affluent” because, well, we live up in these beautiful hills and have kids going to school with very involved parents that fundraise like crazy–became more the “underserved”! I do feel however, that building “sustainable” systems is a good world to use in fundraising. Please fill me in Winston on your thoughts as to why that too, may be looked upon as ho-hum beating the nonprofit drum? I have open ears and mind!
Nope. You are not underserved. The affluent (or “affluent,” cause I’m sure there is a distinction there unimportant to me) are not underserved, nor are people who live in unhilly areas or “uninvolved” working parents given more funds than others. Thanks.
Interesting,I want to learn more about fundraising but i find three words irritating in my country(Uganda),’strengthening’,’Institutionalizing’ and ‘decentralization’. I just cannot understand what they mean!
Vicky – those are terrific “boring” words – how awful. How can you really raise money when you use words like institutionalizing – whew!
Gail is it too late to get help with an event fundraising letter? I love what I have been reading on your blog. I run a non profit for animals, and I am the worst at asking for money! If there is a fee, I am willing to pay it!
Please let me know!
Thank You!
Hi Meredith! Thanks for asking – I do have a service where I’ll work with nonprofits to edit their appeal letters.
you can read about it here:
http://www.gailperry.com/create-a-killer-year-end-appeal-letter/
Happy to help you!
Gail
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! I work for an orthopaedic group, and when they train ortho residents (doctors in training to be surgeons), they talk in crazy jargon all the time. But, one of the saddest was a surgeon lecture by our pediatric ortho docs – talking about dealing with children – little, vulnerable, squirmy, squishy kids – who are victims of child abuse – 25% of these kids have ortho injuries from their abuse, and our team are mandatory reporters – ANYWAY, it’s called “non-accidental trauma” ….. what-the-what? Call it what it is – CHILD ABUSE – and help us help those kids! I tried to work hard to take the MD jargon and translate it into a story that people could understand.
Oh wow love love your comment! We have such a long way to go! Get rid of the scientific and “social-service speak!”
There is a radio spot being aired for a local (wonderful) community food bank explaining how many people in our community are “food insecure.” Food insecure?! Because plain ol’ “hungry” or “go without eating for days” or “don’t know when they will have their next meal” just doesn’t get the point across like “food insecure” does.
So that’s my word that I think needs stricken from fundraising language.
Most definitely — here are a few more, with a couple reiterations of words on others’ lists, because I believe they deserve an encore.
free, liberate, unlock, unleash — Yes, I’ve seen “unleash” in a nonprofit appeal and it was not for an animal welfare organization. Unless you are writing about human trafficking, prisoners, or slaves, you are being much too dramatic.
disruptive
paradigm
populations
systems
justice — Again, unless you are writing about war, imprisionment, or actual crimes, you might consider a less extreme term. Perhaps parity or equity might be more suitable.
issue — If it wasn’t an issue, you world not have a mission. The word “issue” is generally useless, and takes away from the immediacy of what you do.
sustainable
scalable
serving — This is usually followed by a word describing the people who benefit from the nonprofit’s work. This phrase, “serving children” (or the elderly, disadvantaged families, etc. prompts me to ask, “Were they served on a bed of lettuce, or in the more traditional way, on toast points?”
disadvantaged — See underserved, elsewhere in the blog.
anything that refers to people as “the _______” (the poor, the refugees, the disabled, the elderly, etc.) It’s dehumanizing.
impact (Was it a big crash or a minor collision?), outcomes, outputs, benchmarks, reform — There must be a better way to describe the results of your work.
transformational — That’s just a lot of syllables to say people who benefit from what you do really appreciate it.
diverse — This is a catch-all code word. You are probably better served to talk about how race, culture, gender, income, etc. are challenges in the work you do.
resources — This is a non-term term. If you mean money, say money. If you mean workers, say workers, If you mean volunteers, say volunteers.
invest — Investors give money with the expectation of a financial return. Philanthropists give money with the expectation of the return of societal improvements.
rigorous — If you want to tell people you work hard at what you do, or that you are very thorough in what you do, just say so.
robust — If you want to tell people that you do things to the greatest effect possible, given the money, workers and circumstances you have, simply say so.
efficient — See robust.
awesome — If you are using this word, it had better be for something that occurs once in a lifetime or defies million-to-one odds.
emergent
Me to Jenny. I can easily think of words to eliminate. But it’s harder to find replacements for them. I’d love to see some examples.
Ya what does that even mean!!
What a great comment. So agree with you about “serving” – I am so tired of that word, and yet I use it sometimes myself!
How can ANYBODY raise money with the words “food insecure.” Where on earth did THAT come from?? Totally agree!
I’ll add: “people like you”
As a donor I don’t want to be treated as part of a group…I am an individual who cares for very individual reasons!
I don’t have a specific word but for me it is the OVER use of the thesaurus…..Send me an appeal that sounds like you know me……or at least WANT to. Living in a rural area knowing your neighbor got the exact same letter seems cold and unfriendly.
Yes yes, Let’s please see an informal conversational tone in these letters!
Love it! I guess they are trying to work the “social proof” idea – that people will give more if they think other people are giving.
oh yeah!
implement/implementation
holistic
strategic
meaningful
community
development
community development
key
stakeholder
I noticed that most of these comments are from 4 years ago! Are you still up for a makeover? I was able to humanize our annual appeal pretty well, but I have an absolutely mind-numbing letter we send to banks every spring, along with the new Annual Report, Audit, and whatever else the ED wants to cram in. Cheers –
Marianne
HI Marianne! Great list – love these ‘awful” words! Let’s ditch ’em!
I ran an original version of this post 4 years ago and updated it for last week! Totally happy to look at your letter. I can give you an off the cuff assessment via email OR you can get my Killer Appeal Letter package and get a full 30 minutes of editing with me over the phone or skype.
https://gailperrygroup.com/create-a-killer-year-end-appeal-letter/
A timely reminder as we send out our communications and appeals in advance of fiscal year end! Maybe it’s out of vogue by now – one can only hope – but transform/ation/ational really sticks in my craw. I want to know: transforming FROM what, TO what?
Thanks Robin! Let’s hear it for fresh and REAL language! Words really do matter!
Gail, thanks for reintroducing this important discussion We need to remember to use language that donors use. I agree that food insecurity is a cringeworthy term. Give an example of having to choose between buying groceries and paying the heating bill instead. Another one I’ve heard recently is unbanked, which means people who don’t have bank accounts. Of course, there are the usual suspects – underserved, disenfranchised, at-risk, leverage, impactful, just to name a few.
Hi Ann, yesterday in our local paper was an important nonprofit official going on and on about kids and families with “food insecurity.” Excuse me? What does this mean? I agree – It’s just awful. Never heard of “unbanked.” Who is inventing this awful jargon I wonder?
I’m a grant writer and I’ve been told to use the jargon type words but haven’t worked in a while, have things changed so much? OR I do also now want to do this type of work and want to know if when still writing some grants should I use the same new approach of language like; Desperate, destitute, lonely, and the like.
I find that I must regularly put myself in the shoes of the ones I am serving and let them tell their own story with dignity and a soul. The more I tell the story from my “professional” perspective, the more disconnected it becomes. I must be intimately connected with the client’s life, needs, hopes, challenges, etc. to tell a true and compelling story to those with the resources to help. Data, statistics, manipulative pleas, and hip-donor-lingo rarely stirs the emotional part of my brain in ways that move me to respond to the needs of people in real need. Why should I expect my donors to be different? Before I can expect a donor to respond to my cause, I need to sit more often and listen, meditate, and remember why the cause moved me in the first place. Because if I am not moved by, convinced of, or passionate about my cause, I am in danger of being a hypocrite.